
Dear America… | David Mitchell’s SoapBox (by davidmitchellsoapbox)
Dear David Mitchell,
We’re sorry >.<
P.s. I don’t say “I could care less” but you’re never getting my “hold down the fort!”
Women, you’re leaking, aging, hairy, overweight and everything hurts - and your children’s clothes are filthy. No wonder men long for other, less clammy, women. For God’s sake, sort yourself out.
Men, shave and get drunk, because you’re already brilliant.
“When you send emails full of misspellings and errant apostrophes, people judge you. And by people, I mean me.”
You may not be worried about being judged by the likes of me, and that’s fine. Why should you be? But it will happen, we will judge you. We won’t tell you we’re judging you, but we will.
Numberwang!
It’s remarkable isn’t it that out of the 3 billion adult women in the world, your one true soul mate happens to conveniently live in the same block of flats as you, rather than say in a village in Mozambique.
Who knows how these things happen? There are powers at work beyond our understanding.
No there aren’t.
David: As a child I used to play board games against a bucket with a face painted on it. I called this bucket Stephen Tatlock
David Mitchell is my hero